abit irrelevant cos i'm not supposed to be free thinking about stuff but to be mugging hard for my exams which will commence in 2 weeks' time. And me, i never start until i really feel the urge to, heh.. like 5 days before the paper! then i will be super efficient.
my classmate just messaged me that she's "so tired of studying for the exams"..Oops. when i'm slacking away..
i think my mind just isnt preoccupied with exams YET, though i did attempt some questions that are quite important.
yah,
anyway, i was saying i have been thinking.
women like to think.
alot.
when something happens, or someone they know experiences something.
and when their past memories are evoked.
they tend to share it.
and when i remember my past relationships.. i do the same.
i dont remember every detail, and somehow, i dont wish to.
not because the memories were bad cos in a relationship, there will always be ups and downs.
everyone experiences that.
the point is, how much of each do u experience.
i have friends planning for marriage and telling me that they aren't sure if they're in for the right guy/girl. It's ridiculous cos they've already gotten their new flat and planning the customary...
some friends are married and they confess that they've met the right guy/girl. Just that, the person is not the one they're married to. !?!
i mean, why are people getting married if they aren't even sure if they loved their partner? or sure that they can love their partner in sickness and in health?
i believe somehow, we are just too afraid to make that step.
Not the step of marriage.
but the step of getting out of the relationship.
In my opinion, if there is even one slightest doubt about ur love for the person u are with and vice versa, then u have to reconsider. seriously.
it takes two hands to clap in a relationship. when things turn sour, we cant really blame one party entirely. i can only say, it's whether the 2 of you are right for each other.
Right doesnt mean you try to change urself or ur partner so that the 2 of u can live happily forever. Right means finding the person with a compatible personality.
kind of lazy, i know. But it DOESNT mean u dont put in effort into the r/s at all...
In my opinion, there are 2 kinds of people.
Firstly, the independent ones. Guys and girls alike. They love freedom, fun, hate to be controlled. definitely not 'sticky' to their partners. They're just 'cool', BUT doesnt mean they dont love their partners as much.
Nothing wrong with that. It's their style.
Secondly, the more dependent ones. Doesnt mean more girls are like that. Dependent doesnt mean whiny and want to see their bf/gf 24/7. But love spending time with each other and doing things together makes them happy.
when the first type of guy is paired up with the second type of girl, the girl goes crazy because his bf seems too aloof and she wonders if he loves her enough=insecure. She questions him and tries to get his attention. the guy goes mad too and thinks his gf is overly-sensitive. He wants to 'get away' as far from her as possible cos he cannot breathe. He loves her but why doesn't she understand?
And marriage is one daunting step. cos marriage=nagging and more questioning!
(this one not i say one. my classmate confessed and so it just confirmed my analysis, haha)
when the second type of guy is paired up with the first type of girl, both go crazy too. The girl spends her time with her friends, at work, partying and forgets to call all the time. Not that she doesnt love him, but she just forgets! The guy becomes the 'insecure freaky bf' her friends call him. The girl thinks his bf is too mushy and disgusting when he keeps telling her he misses her even after they've parted ways a mere 2 minutes ago.
=(
there's really no right person or right style.
it's just whether u are lucky to get one who is UR style.
i dont believe in changing urself to suit the other person. becos at the end of the day, u explode.
maybe there are exceptions i dunno? maybe some pple love their partners so much that they sacrifice, change and NEVER explode?
i had a four-year long relationship before.
friends or even faithful blog readers probably knew who he was. But i'm definitely not digging out the past to defame him or what, cos that's not what i'm going to do. He is no baddie, just that i found out we were incompatible.
Why incompatible after 4 years?? It is not an excuse. cos i tried to change.
myself.
and i gave up.
i totally belonged to the second type and he, obviously the first. I'm definitely not whiny, but i love companionship and affection. I cannot stand the empty promises and the forever waiting and waiting and waiting. There are definitely good times, around 40% of the time.. and then it became 20%.
i didnt speak my mind and what i was upset over, because it will not help and also, it has been so many years. The only solution i saw was to change myself. I didnt want to seem like the insecure girlfriend. so i controlled myself. He always tells me he loves me. i can hear it but i cant feel it. We saw less of each other and eventually felt like strangers. or maybe it was only me who felt that way, cos he wont think so either. we fought over the same issue over and over again. me=overly sensitive. he=aloof. In the end, i kept to myself because it was the only way that my heart could harden. and if it did, it will no longer hurt.
and it really did.
something i've never shared with anyone before.. actually i would never have the courage to step out of that relationship but it was only because i strayed.
he did not know. maybe if he still reads my blog, he will.
yes, i strayed.
i strayed.
i am no saint.
i broke up with him because there was something worse i could do.
that step of breaking up paled in comparison with having to cheat on ur partner.
of cos i had it worse than him experiencing the break up.
that grief, that humiliation, i totally deserved it.
Nothing proud, in fact i'm ashamed.
but now when i look back, if not for that step of infidelity, i might still be in that r/s.
I believe i've found someone whom i love alot, and i finally know how blissful a loving relationship can be.. I believe he's also found someone who is right and better for him as well.
so...
i duno, in a way, it was a blessing in disguise.
and there's always a rainbow after the rain. It's not looking back and blaming any party. It is to make that huge step. take it as doing yourself a favour.
Whether is to tell yourself, you can make things work,
or to tell yourself, you can stop all nonsense now.
instead of taking a back seat, going with the motion and
regretting it in the future.
oh ya, something that is totally unrelated to what has been said just now.
i got this from zen, hehe
yay =)